Friday, November 28, 2003

SPECIAL FEATURE

And last and certainly the least...

The useless bag of blubber... Winner of the "Sexiest whale of the year 2003" award by Gayboy Whales Magazine...
Gay Baby Whale



Name : Gay Baby Whale

AKA : G.B.W. and Blubberbutt

Age : Still an infant

Rank : Doesn’t deserve one.

Place of Birth : On the dark side of the Arctic Republic

Favourite Fish : Any fish given to him by the GreenPeace bastards

Favourite Song : “Rape Me!!!” by Whalevana

Favourite Movie : The Lord of the Flings trilogy

Favourite Book : "Scandals: Diana, Princess of Whales. Once Married to Mody Dick?"

Hobbies : Acting cute, irritating General-at-the-frontlline Penguin and basically just being gay

IQ : Major dumbass

EQ : Are you joking?!

Biography : Once saved the life of General-at-the -fronline Penguin and fell in love with him. Tried to use make the General (then known as Mr Penguin) fall for him by playing the "Jealousy" card and making the General feel lonely and unwanted by no longer hanging around him. Unfortunately for him, that only made the General enraged and now, the Gay Baby Whale is on the run from General-at-the-frontline Penguin, who has issued a personal vendetta against the Gay Baby Whale. May God save his soul.

And there you have it, the bios of a few good penguins and a useless piece of shit called the Gay Baby Whale have been made known to the world. Hope you all enjoyed this special feature on the true lives of our main characters. Do leave a comment on the tagboard. Thank you. Okay, enough sidetracking and bullshit.. Now, on with the war!!!

posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 am

Thursday, November 27, 2003

SPECIAL FEATURE

The brains behind the brawn... Master Strategist...
BROWNAN C. PENGUIN



(Face NOT blurred to protect identity against identification by seals. That's his real face!!!)

Name: BrowNan C. Penguin (the C stands for Constipated)

Age: Ancient

Rank: Penguin-In-Exile

Place of Birth : Outskirts of Arctic Republic, near some lavatory

Favourite Fish : Doesn't eat anything that has sex in water.

Favourite Song : One Flipper Closer by Penguin Park, Brown by
Coolplay.

Favourite Movie: Edward FlipperHands

Favourite Book : A Midwinter Night's Dream

IQ : Non-Existent

EQ : Dangerously high for a penguin. Thinks with the heart rather
than the mind.

Hobbies : Browning

Biography: Flawed physically since childbirth (but never in
character), BrowNan's life was filled with challenges any other
normal penguin would have not experienced in their short lives. Fate
landed him a cruel blow when he was exiled from the nation. Leaving
his home, he found solace in solitude. Leading an independent life
was his only choice. He seeks to redeem himself; for his very nation
that made his life more minute in significance. He yearns to belong,
to be back where he grew up, to be accepted by one and all, to use
toilets like they do for browning… He can only wait.

Next: Gay Baby Whale.



posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 pm

SPECIAL FEATURE

A scientist.. Supposed expertise in bomb-making..
POCKET PENGUIN



(Face blurred to protect identity against identification by seals)

Name: Pocket "the rocket" Penguin - i mean guys, scientist... rocket scientist.

AKA : Pocket.

Age: 3

Town of origin: Inuvik

Fave Fish: Anything moving, preferably slow.

Fave Song: Coldplay's Shiver.

Fave Movie: Gone with the Wind

Fave Book: Saint Joan of Arctic

Hobbies: intricately mixing chemicals in testubes so as create a multi-layered " testube rainbow'!

IQ: 156

EQ: 98

Next: BrowNan C. Penguin.

posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 am

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

SPECIAL FEATURE

A Whale.. Full of hatred.. Trapped in a penguin's body...
OSAMA BIN PENGUIN



(Face blurred to protect identity against identification by seals)

Name: Osama Bin Penguin

AKA: Dale Whale to other species

Age: 40-50 ++

Rank: Foreign (Afhagnistan) talent

Place of Birth : Unknown

Fav. Book: Somebody please call 911

Fav. Movie: Free Willy

Fav. Song: Bomber by Motorhead

Fav. Fish: Halal Fish

IQ: Very high, how else do you think he comes up with all the brilliant war tactics?

EQ:Very low, how else do you think he comes up with all the sadistic war tactics?

Hobbies : Sitting in a CORNER and think of new war tactics


Biography: Recruited by APEC in their attempts to exterminate all things seal, gay, baby or whale (In whichever fucking order you would like to put it), en route to becoming the numero uno species in the universe. Born a whale and formerly known as Dale Whale, he tragically fell in love with a Middle Eastern penguin. The consequence of loving a penguin was that he was ostracized by the whales and soon, it was apparent that that he had no place in whaleciety.
He then eloped with the penguin of his life and they settled down in Afghanistan where he then converted to the ways of the penguin and rename himself Osama Bin Penguin. In human terms, he is what you would call a transvestite only that in this case, it is not a girl trap in a man’s body but a penguin tapped in a whale’s body, if that can help you understand better.A formidable ally, a brilliant tactician and a master in warfare ( He graduated with honors in suicide bombing courses and is the author of the best selling, must have bible for all soldiers-“Somebody call 9-11!” ), the Apec have surely found the right bird for help. Sadly, help is exactly what Mr. Osama needs when it comes to his fashion sense as he deems it completely normal to wear a dirty piece of white cloth on his head and have funny stuff growing out of his face. He is indeed as brilliant in warfare as he is lacking in fashion taste.

Next: Pocket Penguin.
posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 pm

SPECIAL FEATURE

Criminal Sabotage Expert.. Recruited by the Arctic Republic...
KING PENGUIN



(Face blurred to protect identity against identification by seals)

Name: King Penguin .

AKA : Demolitions Penguin. Commander of 3rd Guards Company.

Age: 29

Rank: Demolition Expert. Commander of the 3rd Guards Company. Honorary Member of the Penguin High Council

Place of Birth : Some where in the Southern Hemisphere.

Favourite Food : Army Rations of the Penguin Army.

Favourite Song : Sex Bomb

Favourite Movie: Speed 2. Penguin Control

Favourite Book : The 101 book of flubber butt demolition. Demolition throughout the years. To Kill a Mocking Seal

IQ : High enuff to come up with SSD and other important equipment.

EQ : High enuff to spy. Lowlife enuff to bomb seals and whales.

Hobbies : Anything to do with C4. Pipe Bombs. Whale Bombs. Experimenting bombs with live targets. In his free time, King Penguin likes to smoke sheesha and to hang out with his mates.

Biography: Believed to be responsible for the bombings of several Kali nightclubs frequented by whales and seals, the Jakalta Malliot hotel, the Old York Triplet Towers, Leeshun MRT and many other atrocities. Employed by the Arctic Republic as a sabotage specialist and demolitions expert. Unfortunately, in sabo-school, the one subject he flunked was "Whale Bombs: How to make a big bag of blubber go BOOM!!!". During times of peace. King Penguin is a fire works specialist who works in the National Seal's Day Parade and other events. Bringing joy to hundreds of penguin spectators.

Next: Osama Bin Penguin.

posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 am

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

SPECIAL FEATURE

Law-abiding.. Tax-paying.. Government-voting..
CITIZEN PENGUIN



(Face blurred to protect identity against identification by seals)

Name : Citizen Penguin

AKA : uh. Citizen Penguin

Age : Middle-age

Rank : Just an average white-collar worker contributing his effort to boost the country's GDP

Place of Birth : The Arctic Republic

Favourite Fish : Citizen Penguin is allergic to seafood

Favourite Song : I Believe I Can Fly, All of Iced Earth's songs

Favourite Movie : Hates movies, Citizen feels that Penguins are discriminated and made to look like weak and insipid creatures with an aura of naivette when they are actually the ultimate species of Bird, far more superior to the hawks and the eagles. Well,if they could fly they would be!

Favourite Book : The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Penguins

Hobbies : Fishing (strictly for game); dancing the can-can; sliding off ice bergs into the water beak-first

IQ : "Smarter than the average Penguin!"

EQ : yes


Biography : An indigenous native, Citizen Penguin has been rather earnest in pledging his support to the rulers of this fairland, the Arctic Republic. Citizen does not at the slightest bit hesitate when it comes to defending his nation, or its rulers. Citizen sees it not as an obligation but a privilege that he should even be allowed to walk on the same hallowed ice which the Patriarch and Matriarch grace, probably largely due to the fact that he was orphaned as a young penguin (his parents are now louis vuitton handbags). What the rest don't know, is, beneath that unassuming, ardent exterior lies a Superhero of a penguin: UberPenguin! Citizen pays taxes and does his part for the community by catching litterbugs and participating in RC events which no one else has the patience for, all in his own free time. Citizen currently lives in a quiet igloo along Staglamite Drive, and spends his Arctic nights reading. He secretly hopes to be elected into the Penguin High Council by 2006.

Next: King Penguin.

posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 pm

SPECIAL FEATURE

Filled with bravery.. Sworn to protect his fellow penguins..
GENERAL-AT-THE-FRONTLINE PENGUIN



(Face blurred to protect identity against identification by seals)

Name : General-at-the-frontline Penguin

AKA : Mr Penguin

Age : Middle-age

Rank : General

Place of Birth : The borough of Penguinski, in the south of The Arctic Republic

Favourite Fish : Grilled tail of whale with sauteed onions, served with a sauce of seal livers and whale blubber (I know, i know, whales and seals are not fish, they are mammals. But who gives a shit?!).

Favourite Song : God save the Queen, Ecstacy of Cold, All army and Penguinski songs

Favourite Movie : Hard Beak Hotel starring Penguin "The Pelvis" Presley

Favourite Book : Flipper in the Eye by J.D Snowslinger

Hobbies : Kicking whale and seal ass (strictly for game); dancing over their corpses; Winning at anything and everything

IQ: Bloody Genius!!!

EQ : Unfriendly, abrasive and antisocial


Biography : An astute tactician, (He is employed as a football coach of the Penguinski FC (winners of every Arctic Premier league season since the inception of the league in 2002, in times of peace) Mr Penguin was mandated by Our Lady Penguin to lead the remaining troops into the final assault on the Seals after the previous General of the troops was captured and tortured by the Seals until he began to believe he was a teapot. With the fate of the
Arctic Republic and his fellow penguins entrusted to him, this fearless leader instills confidence in his troops and valiantly leads them to victory. (Or so we hope...) Also believed to be secretly in love with Our Lady Penguin.

Next: Citizen Penguin.

posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 am

Monday, November 24, 2003

SPECIAL FEATURE

For all the readers wondering about what the hell the irritating pop-up was all about, well the day of reckoning is finally here. You, the readers, have demanded and we at APEC have delivered. For the whole of this week, one character bio will be released daily at noon and one at midnight. This is in a bid to make the readers feel more attached to the characters and to also add depth to their current one-dimensional existence. It also keeps you readers coming back and thus hopefully increasing our hit count for the week...

First up, A Matriarch.. Burdened with the responsibility to protect her species...
OUR LADY PENGUIN



(Face blurred to protect identity against identification by seals. A little too late for that i guess...)

Name: Our Lady Penguin

AKA : M'Lady and O.L.P.

Age: 25

Rank: Queen Of Arctic Republic

Place of Birth : The Arctic Republic

Favourite Fish : Suprisingly, the Queen doesn't like fish. They smell weird to her.

Favourite Song : God Save the Queen (for obvious reasons...)

Favourite Movie: Attack of the Killer Penguins

Favourite Book : "The Theory of Evolution: The Impending Extinction of Whales" by Charles Darkwing

IQ : Very high.

EQ : What the hell is EQ??

Hobbies : Acting cute in front of the Green Peace Bastards and then pecking them. Sentencing seals and whales. A definite death sentence.

Biography: As the only heir to the throne of Arctic Republic, Lady Penguin was forced to take over the ruling of her species when her parents were slaughtered by the military seals. Unable to bear the humiliation that had befallen her, Lady Penguin decided to take revenge on the animals that caused her parents' death. She summoned 5 of her citizens who each specialise in different areas of combat warfare in the hope of bringing down the Navy Seals Empire. God save the Queen!!!

Next: General-at-the-frontline Penguin.


posted by FifaFanSG at 12:00 pm